body aches, body aches...

I can't help but wonder if this is the universes way of fucking with me? I have five days to go. FIVE DAYS! And tonight the body aches and headache have set in full force just like they used to. It happens every Sunday to some extent and maybe after 11 months I'm just used to it, but about an hour ago or so I started hurting and it's taking over my whole body. It's exactly the "flu like symptoms" they warn you about when discussing treatment. It feels ridiculous to even post about this seeing how treatment is SO close to being over but for the sake of having a blog and doing what I do, I felt the need to share. Besides, I fucking hurt and no matter what friends or family I complain to, not a single one of them can make me feel any better physically so I'll just vent away here! Time to take a bath and listen to some music, maybe curl up on the couch and just pass out. Somehow sleeping on my couch seems like a better idea than my bed at the moment, even with the absence of a television in my living room. Thank god this is almost over!

My Final Shot

Around 11:30pm 1/13/20012 I took what will hopefully be my last interferon shot, EVER! It's funny to me how easy it is to give myself shots now however eleven months ago I was more scared of giving myself a shot than the side effects. Of course I can see the underlying fear of not knowing what was going to happen probably played into that more than I realized at the time, but still.

Now the fear becomes going back into the real world. On the last day of treatment (Jan 20th) I will have been out of work exactly seven months. That is a trip! I feel so incapable of working it's bizarre! I'm doing my best to stay positive and remember that as my energy returns reentering the working world will not feel as difficult as I'm making it in my head. Today if I were to try to work a full eight hours I would die, been there, done that, we know this. Hopefully in a few weeks that will no longer be the case. I'm also excited to get back to the gym and hopefully have an appetite again which will help me eat more regularly. I have a new lease on life and I intend to use it to the fullest!

I still intend to update this blog at least for a little while to document how quickly side effects leave, or if they stick around, etc... While I won't have a truly clean bill of health for six more months I cannot express how excited I am to have the chapter of treatment over with. I don't take any of this for granted, I do know how blessed I am to have the chance to get well, but goddamn after the stress of nausea, fatigue, and muscle aches on top of all the insurance/work bullshit I've had to deal with over the last year I am very happy to move on to the next adventure!

Only 3 shots to go!

When I think of it this way it's amazing how quickly it will be over. Jan 13th is my last shot and Jan 20th is the last time I have to take these damn pills. I'M SO EXCITED!!

The nausea has subsided yet again but the fatigue is back almost worse than ever. For at least two days a week I'm doing nothing but sleeping and still have little to no energy to do anything the rest of the days. It's a chore to walk more than a mile and staying up for a solid 12 hours is like breaking some kind of record. It has been done lately because of the holidays and whatnot but again I turn around and end up sleeping for two days to make up for it.

With less than a month to go I'm really accepting more than ever how my life will have to be until the 20th or possible a few weeks after that. If I just need to sleep and take it easy, I will do that. I'm sure that sounds silly to a lot of people. Who wouldn't want a completely valid reason to sleep all day? But for me it's hard because I've always been so active with work and/or a social life that this still, even six months later, feels so different.

I am also excited to see where 2012 takes me. I am enrolled in classes at PCC and looking to take charge of my life like never before. I feel in a lot of ways I have been given a true second chance at life and I'm not willing to waste it wishing and hoping. Accomplishing your dreams takes ACTION and I've proven to myself I'm able to do that so why stop now?

Friday is my 31st birthday. I will be going to see Storm Large with one of my best friends and then coming home and taking my shot. Such a weird way to think of my birthday but again I couldn't be happier that my birthday is yet another reminder of how close I am to being done with treatment!

I hope everybody reading this is having a wonderful holiday season and has a great New Year!