Getting the news that treatment is working really helped lift my spirits for a moment but slowly reality set back in that I will be putting up with all of this until January. Ugh. I suppose it doesn't help that I've been sick the last two days. I tried so hard to make it into work yesterday but my body just wasn't having it. Today I struggled for a moment but managed to make it to work. The longer I'm awake however, the worse I'm feeling. I'm doing my best to stay positive and make it thru the rest of my day but honestly I'm just not sure. I want to sleep for days and would love my muscles and stomach to stop hurting already. Ok, back to work I go...
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
It's working!!
I went to see the specialist on Monday to check on my skin and see if he had any suggestions. My skin has cleared up for the most part but he wants me to keep an eye on it. We also talked about other side effects then I received the best news to date... three beautiful words:
Rapid Virological Response
RVR means my viral load was negative at 4 weeks. If I had been negative at 12 weeks I would have a 55% success rate. Because I responded so quickly that ups my chances to 90%!!
I can't tell you how badly I needed that news. I was getting so depressed! The doc said he did all the reading up to see if we could shorten treatment to 6 months but there isn't strong enough evidence to suggest it's worth doing so I will still continue treatment for the full 48 weeks. He also told me the fatigue and depression is bound to stick around at this point but at least I have a little more hope and know all of this is totally worth it!!
Rapid Virological Response
RVR means my viral load was negative at 4 weeks. If I had been negative at 12 weeks I would have a 55% success rate. Because I responded so quickly that ups my chances to 90%!!
I can't tell you how badly I needed that news. I was getting so depressed! The doc said he did all the reading up to see if we could shorten treatment to 6 months but there isn't strong enough evidence to suggest it's worth doing so I will still continue treatment for the full 48 weeks. He also told me the fatigue and depression is bound to stick around at this point but at least I have a little more hope and know all of this is totally worth it!!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
10 weeks and counting...
I can't believe how much time has passed. It's not THAT long but some days it feels like FOREVER other days I realize I still potentially have months and months to go... I should find out in a week and a half if this thing is working. "What if" started out as a simple statement and has consumed my mind for the last couple of weeks. What if treatment isn't working? What if I just put myself through all of this hell for absolutely nothing? Would I start drinking again? Surely, I will start smoking again at the very least. Something would have to happen whatever that may be. Don't worry, I do not see that being a reality! However, convincing myself that I'm going to be okay no matter what has proved to be a pretty big challenge.
Future tripping aside, this has also brought up a lot of emotion and realization that I'm not actually processing all the changes that are taking place mentally and physically since I started treatment. I want to start doing that, yet I don't have a clue where to begin and that is a very paralyzing feeling. Thankfully I have surrounded myself with some of the most loving friends and am trying to let them carry me without beating myself up for not being able to handle it all on my own. I think I am finally giving into the idea that I can allow those who care about me to help me. It's scary but actually pretty awesome when I let it happen.
I'm moving next weekend from my one bedroom apartment to a kick ass house with two roommates, one of which is a good friend of mine. While in no way do I plan to get all codependent on her ass, I do look forward to just having other people around. Coming home day after day to no one other than my cat is taking it's toll. I love my cat don't get me wrong, but when I'm seriously fatigued and/or sick it's just nice to know another human is physically around. I truly believe this move will be the best possible thing for me.
This might be the most emotional post for me yet... I hope you got something out of it other than me just unloading. I'm trying to keep this as real as possible without sounding completely doom and gloom. No matter how sad or scared or frustrated I get I have yet to regret starting treatment.
Future tripping aside, this has also brought up a lot of emotion and realization that I'm not actually processing all the changes that are taking place mentally and physically since I started treatment. I want to start doing that, yet I don't have a clue where to begin and that is a very paralyzing feeling. Thankfully I have surrounded myself with some of the most loving friends and am trying to let them carry me without beating myself up for not being able to handle it all on my own. I think I am finally giving into the idea that I can allow those who care about me to help me. It's scary but actually pretty awesome when I let it happen.
I'm moving next weekend from my one bedroom apartment to a kick ass house with two roommates, one of which is a good friend of mine. While in no way do I plan to get all codependent on her ass, I do look forward to just having other people around. Coming home day after day to no one other than my cat is taking it's toll. I love my cat don't get me wrong, but when I'm seriously fatigued and/or sick it's just nice to know another human is physically around. I truly believe this move will be the best possible thing for me.
This might be the most emotional post for me yet... I hope you got something out of it other than me just unloading. I'm trying to keep this as real as possible without sounding completely doom and gloom. No matter how sad or scared or frustrated I get I have yet to regret starting treatment.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
What's next?
It looks like the nausea is finally subsiding. It comes back from time to time but it's not nearly as bad as it has been. Fatigue is kicking my ass! Last week I was fine until Friday, did okay on Saturday, and hit a wall again Sunday and Monday. I'm forcing myself to go to work today and I'm sure that'll be just fine. At least I will make it absolutely as long as possible which I'm sure once I'm in a groove time will pass with ease. (that's me staying positive, let's hope it works lol)
Right now the biggest concern is my skin. I'm developing rashes and dry flaky skin it's to the point where my eyelids literally hurt when I blink. It's all over my body but my face is the most noticeable since it's not covered by clothes. I've tried a ton of different creams and things in the last two weeks but nothing has helped a great deal. I went to the doctor yesterday, she's treating it as eczema, gave me a steroid cream and is having me use Cetaphil soap and cream. I'm also going to work with no makeup on and that is really a hard thing to get over. My skin is so red and blotchy and while I know there are a million things worse in the world that could be happening to me, it's really tough to deal with for some reason.
I go see my specialist next Monday. My primary doctor wants him to look at my skin, see if there is any progress and see if he has any other suggestions. I also go back to my specialist on the 4th to find out if the interferon/ribaviron treatment is taking. That has been filling me with fear and I really don't like it. Trying to remember that none of this will kill me, that none of this is the end of the world and that I will absolutely be taken care of no matter what is comforting but not for very long. My mind keeps wanting to make this out to be way bigger than it is. Don't get me wrong, what I am going through is scary and it is a BIG deal however I have to remember I can walk through all of this and I will come out the other side.
Right now the biggest concern is my skin. I'm developing rashes and dry flaky skin it's to the point where my eyelids literally hurt when I blink. It's all over my body but my face is the most noticeable since it's not covered by clothes. I've tried a ton of different creams and things in the last two weeks but nothing has helped a great deal. I went to the doctor yesterday, she's treating it as eczema, gave me a steroid cream and is having me use Cetaphil soap and cream. I'm also going to work with no makeup on and that is really a hard thing to get over. My skin is so red and blotchy and while I know there are a million things worse in the world that could be happening to me, it's really tough to deal with for some reason.
I go see my specialist next Monday. My primary doctor wants him to look at my skin, see if there is any progress and see if he has any other suggestions. I also go back to my specialist on the 4th to find out if the interferon/ribaviron treatment is taking. That has been filling me with fear and I really don't like it. Trying to remember that none of this will kill me, that none of this is the end of the world and that I will absolutely be taken care of no matter what is comforting but not for very long. My mind keeps wanting to make this out to be way bigger than it is. Don't get me wrong, what I am going through is scary and it is a BIG deal however I have to remember I can walk through all of this and I will come out the other side.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Week 8
I keep wanting to think it's been longer but I started both the shot and the pills on Feb 11 which makes this week eight.
The last few weeks have been pretty trying on me physically and emotionally, too. Most days I feel emotionally strong. I realize this whole thing has an end date and thankfully that puts me at ease most of the time. There are other times it upsets me greatly, especially when my mind tells me I have no right to bitch about how I feel or what's going on because I'm choosing to go through treatment and this is just how it has to be.
The fact is I contracted Hepatitis C from blood transfusions at birth. Without those blood transfusions I wouldn't be alive. I'm glad I am alive, but it sucks that this is what I get to deal with. At least I have options. I can work toward being healthy and possibly clearing this stupid virus that could potentially kill me, or I could do nothing and worry about some day developing liver cancer or cirrhosis. Today I choose to take steps at becoming as healthy as possible. That includes going through this treatment.
But let me tell you, this shit is hard! It's basically chemo and of course when you're pumping your body full of toxins it's going to react. Not only am I fatigued most every day but lately I've been dealing with dry skin and a great deal of nausea, diarrhea, and heartburn. I've averaged one day a week where I've had to stay home from work mainly to just sleep and let my body settle. Today was one of those days.
Of all things my specialist is concerned about the rash/bruising that seems to be happening so easily lately. My skin is very dry and therefore rather itchy. Nearly every time I scratch my skin I'm leaving red marks and a lot of the time they are staying for a long time. They look more like rashes or bruises of some sort. I go in on the 25th to see about all that. It could mean my body isn't responding well to the treatment but hopefully it's "normal" and they can give me something. More than anything I want this to work, I want to clear this. The idea of my body rejecting treatment is something I really can't handle right now.
Well, there you have it. I have just spent the majority of Wednesday sleeping and eating bread and water. I'm headed back to bed after my longest attempt at being awake today, a grand total of 3.5 hours! I hope to wake up in the morning with a calm stomach and a little less tired than I've been the days prior.
The last few weeks have been pretty trying on me physically and emotionally, too. Most days I feel emotionally strong. I realize this whole thing has an end date and thankfully that puts me at ease most of the time. There are other times it upsets me greatly, especially when my mind tells me I have no right to bitch about how I feel or what's going on because I'm choosing to go through treatment and this is just how it has to be.
The fact is I contracted Hepatitis C from blood transfusions at birth. Without those blood transfusions I wouldn't be alive. I'm glad I am alive, but it sucks that this is what I get to deal with. At least I have options. I can work toward being healthy and possibly clearing this stupid virus that could potentially kill me, or I could do nothing and worry about some day developing liver cancer or cirrhosis. Today I choose to take steps at becoming as healthy as possible. That includes going through this treatment.
But let me tell you, this shit is hard! It's basically chemo and of course when you're pumping your body full of toxins it's going to react. Not only am I fatigued most every day but lately I've been dealing with dry skin and a great deal of nausea, diarrhea, and heartburn. I've averaged one day a week where I've had to stay home from work mainly to just sleep and let my body settle. Today was one of those days.
Of all things my specialist is concerned about the rash/bruising that seems to be happening so easily lately. My skin is very dry and therefore rather itchy. Nearly every time I scratch my skin I'm leaving red marks and a lot of the time they are staying for a long time. They look more like rashes or bruises of some sort. I go in on the 25th to see about all that. It could mean my body isn't responding well to the treatment but hopefully it's "normal" and they can give me something. More than anything I want this to work, I want to clear this. The idea of my body rejecting treatment is something I really can't handle right now.
Well, there you have it. I have just spent the majority of Wednesday sleeping and eating bread and water. I'm headed back to bed after my longest attempt at being awake today, a grand total of 3.5 hours! I hope to wake up in the morning with a calm stomach and a little less tired than I've been the days prior.
Monday, March 28, 2011
nausea, blah.
As soon as i got to work on Friday my stomach started giving me problems. I felt as if I couldn't leave work so I stayed and roughed it out. That was quite possibly the longest day at work in some time. Not only was I running back and forth from the restroom, I don't feel I accomplished much of anything when I was at my desk. Friday night my shot went extremely well especially considering how sick I was still feeling. I went to bed early and woke up not feeling sick on Saturday however I was extremely exhausted and slept most of the day.
Yesterday I made plans to go to late lunch/early dinner with a friend at 4:15. We shared a basket of tater tots and I had a little bit (more like hardly touched) crab mac'n'cheese. I even mentioned to my friend I would probably get sick if I tried to eat but could at least take it home for later. Well, sure enough I was running to the bathroom before I knew it. My stomach stayed extremely upset all night and I finally just forced myself to fall asleep.
Today I woke up and within twenty minutes thought I might throw up. I still tried to get ready for work but just couldn't do it. Even now my stomach is just in knots and I don't know how to make it better. After struggling to make it through work on Friday I figured staying home and taking it easy today was the best thing I could do for myself. In an attempt to settle my stomach I just might go through an entire loaf of Dave's Killer Bread today. So far I've consumed a half cup of coffee and about eight slices of toast. I'd love to fall asleep and wake up "all better" however I really am not tired and the thought of laying in bed not able to sleep pisses me off to no end.
Too much information for you? Yeah, probably huh. However this blog was created with the intention of giving a true break down of what my life is like through treatment, so there ya have it.
Now I'm going to read a book and watch the sky change from blue and white to gray and back again. After I mentioned not feeling tired I think I might be, so hey, that works too!
Yesterday I made plans to go to late lunch/early dinner with a friend at 4:15. We shared a basket of tater tots and I had a little bit (more like hardly touched) crab mac'n'cheese. I even mentioned to my friend I would probably get sick if I tried to eat but could at least take it home for later. Well, sure enough I was running to the bathroom before I knew it. My stomach stayed extremely upset all night and I finally just forced myself to fall asleep.
Today I woke up and within twenty minutes thought I might throw up. I still tried to get ready for work but just couldn't do it. Even now my stomach is just in knots and I don't know how to make it better. After struggling to make it through work on Friday I figured staying home and taking it easy today was the best thing I could do for myself. In an attempt to settle my stomach I just might go through an entire loaf of Dave's Killer Bread today. So far I've consumed a half cup of coffee and about eight slices of toast. I'd love to fall asleep and wake up "all better" however I really am not tired and the thought of laying in bed not able to sleep pisses me off to no end.
Too much information for you? Yeah, probably huh. However this blog was created with the intention of giving a true break down of what my life is like through treatment, so there ya have it.
Now I'm going to read a book and watch the sky change from blue and white to gray and back again. After I mentioned not feeling tired I think I might be, so hey, that works too!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Going through the motions
I have found that taking my shot no longer scares me and taking a handful of pills has become commonplace. I figured that would all get easier but really didn't want to believe other things would get harder.
I'm having a hard time dealing with stress. It scares me, it is far too overwhelming right now. My diet is weird. Sometimes nothing I eat bothers me other days everything runs right through me. Fatigue is still an issue and I really don't know any good way of dealing with that.
My shrink started me on Celexa this week. I'm hoping it can level me out emotionally and I'll be able to better deal with work and life for the next 10 months.
Think that's about it. Somehow I managed to get out of the house on time which I didn't think would happen so I guess today is off to a decent start. Here's hoping the rest of the day goes well.
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