When does it end??

I hurt. A lot. It's mostly only bad at night but starting last night and carrying into the entire day today my lower back and legs have hurt so bad I keep finding myself in tears. Right now is no exception. I went to the doctor recently and they gave me muscle relaxers which have done no good however I'm in enough pain right now I'm willing to take it just to fall asleep. I am moving this weekend and have a lot of other things on my plate right now and yet I can't focus long enough to get anything accomplished.

I have spent the last 13 months trying so hard to be strong and for the first 48 weeks I at least knew there was an end in sight. Right now I have no idea if or when these side effects will completely go away. My energy level seems to keep increasing though I know the fatigue is not completely gone. As an example I was awake for a total of 11 hours the other day out and about doing thins and slept for 13 hours as a result. This is much better than the 4-6 hours I used to manage at the beginning of treatment but still not where I'd like to be. The nausea seems to have left for good (or so I hope) but these body aches are killing me!! I was starting to have more frequent headaches too but I honestly don't think that has anything to do with treatment. However I am starting to wonder if the fact that my upper and inner thighs were my main injection point for the entire length of treatment has done something to my nerves. My lower back into my upper legs are what hurt the most though my entire back, arms, and the rest of my legs will often hurt the later it gets at night.

I find that walking or standing hurts less than sitting or laying down. It's also odd to me that while the body and/or muscle aches (whatever they truly are) continue to get worse post-treatment. The constant up and down of post-treatment side effects is really fucking annoying. Ultimately everything but the body aches are improving but even then the fatigue comes and goes and the nausea was hit or miss for awhile but I'm trying to stay positive that those will continue to decline. The body aches are still a mystery why are they getting worse and why is nothing helping? How can I be expected to go back to work, even part time, when I hurt like this? I thought I was ready and even told my doctor I think I could work 20-30 hours given my fatigue improving but after the last 24 hours I really question my ability to do anything.

Tomorrow I'm going to call the doctor and get another appointment. Something must be done about this. The only thing that seems to help are hot baths and that's only while I'm in the tub. If I could live in a hot bubble bath for the rest of my life I'd be just fine. Unfortunately that's not very realistic and just seems kind of weird. Enough from me. Goodnight.

Doctor Visit and Disability

Monday at 3pm I went for my second to last visit with my GI specialist. To date, all blood work has come back exactly as they need it to and on July 23rd I will see him for hopefully the last time, at least for 19 years when he says I should come back for a colonoscopy... thanks doc! ;)

If my viral load is still undetectable 6 months after treatment I will be considered CURED!!

Monday I felt extremely tired, disoriented and extremely sore. Yesterday I seemed fine and today I'm very achy and tired again. The doctor did inform me that the fatigue takes 1-3 months on average to completely go away. He thinks it would be good for me to take another month off work see how my body decided to bounce back and take it from there.

I talked to Long Term Disability today. My case manager said he will request the notes from Monday's visit and likely just follow up with me sometime in mid-Feb to see how I'm doing. As much as I'd like to think I would just bounce right back and be ready to return to work I'm glad that my doctor and disability case manager alike are not trying to rush this process. It's going to take as long as it's going to take which is something I'm still coming to terms with.

It's been 344 days, thank god it's finally OVER!

From the first interferon shot to the final ribavirin pills I took tonight, treatment has lasted a total of 344 days!! A medical treatment full of harsh drugs, harsh side effects, and a lot of physical and emotional pain. That's 48 shots and 1,720 pills. Not to mention the daily anti-depressents, heartburn medication, endless amounts of ibuprofen or aleve and any other supplements such as multivitamins, iron pills, etc. The most trying eleven months of my entire life, hands down. I can't believe it's over!! I blood work done and see my specialist on Monday at 3pm. Assuming he tells me my results still look good I won't see him again for approximately 6 months. what a life changing event that is taking place. When I wake up in the morning I no longer have to think about treatment. I have to remember to ask the doctor how quickly he thinks the fatigue will start to subside if there is one side effect that has kicked my ass more than any that would be it. I would love to get on a regular sleeping schedule, go to the gym regularly and be able to work again! I look forward to returning to some form of normal life within the next couple of weeks to a month. On that note I can barely keep my eyes open and my body is sore and tired so I'm headed to bed... more after the doctor's visit on Monday!

Things are lookin' good!

All of my blood tests are showing good signs of being cured!! I told my specialist I feel more fatigued and more sick than I did in the beginning. He explained that while that isn't the normal response it is in no way unheard of and to just keep riding it out. I will take my last shot on Jan 13th and my last pills on Jan 20th!! I'll see him on Jan 23rd and then not again for six months when we get the final word if I'm in the clear! He told me the way things are going right now I should expect good results and that I've handled all of this with a great amount of grace. That was one of the nicest things I've heard. I don't always feel like I have but from a doctor who sees patients for this all the time, I tend to believe him.

Work and insurance has been a pain in my ass. First they told me they would do my best to keep MY job for me. Then later on I get told that if they can't keep MY job I will at least have A job when I return. Now the final word is that they have not held my job and that I will have 90 days to reapply within the company upon returning from medical leave. I'm slightly more than pissed. Not only is my Short Term Disability still under review but after eight years with a company you would think they would have tried harder for me. I've given them the majority of my adult life and always done right by them and this is how I get repaid?! Guess that's what happens when you work for a large corporation. I still would have thought my dedication to them would have meant something, apparently I was wrong.

Thankfully I realize the stress this could cause is not worth threatening my health so while I'm still fighting them I'm not letting it consume me. I'm off of work to help eliminate stress and all of this only adds to it. I will let the chips fall where they may and trust that no matter what I will be taken care of!