Thyroid and other stuff

I called my primary care last Friday to see about scheduling an appointment regarding my leg pain and body aches. My doctor almost always has a week wait but luckily she happened to have a cancellation for her last appointment of the day so I got in. After talking about everything I'm dealing with, depression, fatigue (still), weight gain, and most of all my body hurts! Mostly just my legs but truly my entire back even into my arms and down my legs often hurt every night. She went ahead and upped my anti-depressant (I was on a low dose anyway), put me on thyroid medication (apparently my specialist saying it was "back to normal" was only a partial truth, it's still really borderline to not being ok), and was supposed to prescribe me a different muscle relaxer that didn't make me so tired but I haven't received that yet. I'm not too worried about that part though I do need to call soon before I forget. It's really too soon to tell but I hope these changes make a big difference. She really believes they will so I've got my fingers crossed. The only thing I don't like is taking the thyroid medication on an empty stomach. I'm afraid to even drink coffee because I put creamer in it and can't find anywhere that tells me if that's okay or not. So water it is for at least the first half hour after I take it. Not horrible I suppose, we can all use more water!

When does it end??

I hurt. A lot. It's mostly only bad at night but starting last night and carrying into the entire day today my lower back and legs have hurt so bad I keep finding myself in tears. Right now is no exception. I went to the doctor recently and they gave me muscle relaxers which have done no good however I'm in enough pain right now I'm willing to take it just to fall asleep. I am moving this weekend and have a lot of other things on my plate right now and yet I can't focus long enough to get anything accomplished.

I have spent the last 13 months trying so hard to be strong and for the first 48 weeks I at least knew there was an end in sight. Right now I have no idea if or when these side effects will completely go away. My energy level seems to keep increasing though I know the fatigue is not completely gone. As an example I was awake for a total of 11 hours the other day out and about doing thins and slept for 13 hours as a result. This is much better than the 4-6 hours I used to manage at the beginning of treatment but still not where I'd like to be. The nausea seems to have left for good (or so I hope) but these body aches are killing me!! I was starting to have more frequent headaches too but I honestly don't think that has anything to do with treatment. However I am starting to wonder if the fact that my upper and inner thighs were my main injection point for the entire length of treatment has done something to my nerves. My lower back into my upper legs are what hurt the most though my entire back, arms, and the rest of my legs will often hurt the later it gets at night.

I find that walking or standing hurts less than sitting or laying down. It's also odd to me that while the body and/or muscle aches (whatever they truly are) continue to get worse post-treatment. The constant up and down of post-treatment side effects is really fucking annoying. Ultimately everything but the body aches are improving but even then the fatigue comes and goes and the nausea was hit or miss for awhile but I'm trying to stay positive that those will continue to decline. The body aches are still a mystery why are they getting worse and why is nothing helping? How can I be expected to go back to work, even part time, when I hurt like this? I thought I was ready and even told my doctor I think I could work 20-30 hours given my fatigue improving but after the last 24 hours I really question my ability to do anything.

Tomorrow I'm going to call the doctor and get another appointment. Something must be done about this. The only thing that seems to help are hot baths and that's only while I'm in the tub. If I could live in a hot bubble bath for the rest of my life I'd be just fine. Unfortunately that's not very realistic and just seems kind of weird. Enough from me. Goodnight.

Still unpredictable

I really started to think I had the new routine of post-treatment side effects under control. Ha, I know better than that! Since I last updated the fatigue has been better, I still feel the need to crash out in the middle of the day about once or twice a week but not EVERY SINGLE DAY so I was content with that. As long as I stayed on a regular dose of ibuprofen I seemed to be able to tolerate the pain of the muscle and body aches fairly well too.

This week has felt very different. I'm far more tired than I have been lately. Last night I slept over eight hours (that's pretty unheard of for me right now) and still took a three hour nap today. Since I woke up the first time I've showered had plenty of coffee and water, had food, and still... just TIRED! I have a group of girls I like to meet up with on Tuesdays and I haven't gone the last two weeks so I'm really excited to go tonight and yet all I *really* want to do is sleep.

So many people have tried to offer suggestions on ways to try to help me and I just don't think they can fully comprehend just how hard dealing with chronic fatigue is. Even all my doctors, from my specialist to my chiropractor have told me there is just no way for people to understand what I'm going through unless they've dealt with it first hand or treat patients regularly for it (like they do). It's not like I'm not listening either, if something sounds doable I will give it a shot, but really there is no magic way to rid myself of these side effects. I guess I just need to let them run their course and hope that day comes sooner than later!

a little more awake, a lot more sore

Upside: The last few days I've had a bit more energy, not a ton, but more. For example, I haven't taken a nap in the middle of the day for days now! Progress!! I'm still pretty damn tired but progress is progress and I'll take it!

Downside: My body HURTS!!! My whole back (from head to lower back) is very sore during the day and come evening/night my legs start acting up too. My arms are also really tense when I wake up in the mornings but tend to get better after an hour or so. Right now my legs are so sore I can't even imagine going to sleep but I am thoroughly exhausted and ready for sleep!

Mental focus seems hit or miss, I wish I could say that has gotten better. Some days I think I'm doing great, other days I can't concentrate to save my life! Today would be the latter.  Yep, I don't know what else to say... goodnight.

Hypothyroidism

My Specialist just called. My viral load is still negative (YAY!!!) however my thyroid is under-active which is explaining the major fatigue, body aches, and probably quite a few other symptoms. He said the last time they tested my thyroid levels (Oct) they were "normal" however I recall seeing my naturopath in Nov and after reviewing my results she told me that they were not good but still in an acceptable range to a doctor of western medicine and therefore they wouldn't do anything about it. Looks like she was right! At this point he is not having me take action just yet. He said since it is a side effect of treatment my levels may very well return to normal. So, Feb 27th I will be going back for blood work and we will take it from there. I actually feel at ease knowing this. I found it maddening to feel more tired and in more pain AFTER treatment had ended than while I was on treatment. Thank god there is a reason for all of this. I really started to feel like I was going insane.

Side Effects

For anybody interested in better understanding the general side effects of the type of interferon I was taking, here is a link to the Mayo Clinic. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/drug-information/DR602541/DSECTION=side%2Deffects

Doctor Visit and Disability

Monday at 3pm I went for my second to last visit with my GI specialist. To date, all blood work has come back exactly as they need it to and on July 23rd I will see him for hopefully the last time, at least for 19 years when he says I should come back for a colonoscopy... thanks doc! ;)

If my viral load is still undetectable 6 months after treatment I will be considered CURED!!

Monday I felt extremely tired, disoriented and extremely sore. Yesterday I seemed fine and today I'm very achy and tired again. The doctor did inform me that the fatigue takes 1-3 months on average to completely go away. He thinks it would be good for me to take another month off work see how my body decided to bounce back and take it from there.

I talked to Long Term Disability today. My case manager said he will request the notes from Monday's visit and likely just follow up with me sometime in mid-Feb to see how I'm doing. As much as I'd like to think I would just bounce right back and be ready to return to work I'm glad that my doctor and disability case manager alike are not trying to rush this process. It's going to take as long as it's going to take which is something I'm still coming to terms with.

This seems a little odd...

Here it is, a little over 48 hours since my last pills and over a week since my last shot and for some reason I feel absolutely horrible! I am dizzy, my body aches, and my stomach hurts. WTF?! Could it be that I know subconsciously this is how I "should" feel right now? Every Sunday/Monday for the last eleven months it has been guaranteed that I will not feel well but I honestly thought I wouldn't feel that way right now. Makes me wonder what I actually did expect and to be honest I have no idea. At least I know it will start getting better one of these days, hopefully my specialist can give me some idea of what that timeline might look like. Alright I suppose it is time to attempt sleep yet again. I've taken ibuprofen which hasn't helped my body aches at all but I'm going to attempt to believe it will kick in any moment and hopefully doze off into peaceful sleep.

body aches, body aches...

I can't help but wonder if this is the universes way of fucking with me? I have five days to go. FIVE DAYS! And tonight the body aches and headache have set in full force just like they used to. It happens every Sunday to some extent and maybe after 11 months I'm just used to it, but about an hour ago or so I started hurting and it's taking over my whole body. It's exactly the "flu like symptoms" they warn you about when discussing treatment. It feels ridiculous to even post about this seeing how treatment is SO close to being over but for the sake of having a blog and doing what I do, I felt the need to share. Besides, I fucking hurt and no matter what friends or family I complain to, not a single one of them can make me feel any better physically so I'll just vent away here! Time to take a bath and listen to some music, maybe curl up on the couch and just pass out. Somehow sleeping on my couch seems like a better idea than my bed at the moment, even with the absence of a television in my living room. Thank god this is almost over!