When does it end??

I hurt. A lot. It's mostly only bad at night but starting last night and carrying into the entire day today my lower back and legs have hurt so bad I keep finding myself in tears. Right now is no exception. I went to the doctor recently and they gave me muscle relaxers which have done no good however I'm in enough pain right now I'm willing to take it just to fall asleep. I am moving this weekend and have a lot of other things on my plate right now and yet I can't focus long enough to get anything accomplished.

I have spent the last 13 months trying so hard to be strong and for the first 48 weeks I at least knew there was an end in sight. Right now I have no idea if or when these side effects will completely go away. My energy level seems to keep increasing though I know the fatigue is not completely gone. As an example I was awake for a total of 11 hours the other day out and about doing thins and slept for 13 hours as a result. This is much better than the 4-6 hours I used to manage at the beginning of treatment but still not where I'd like to be. The nausea seems to have left for good (or so I hope) but these body aches are killing me!! I was starting to have more frequent headaches too but I honestly don't think that has anything to do with treatment. However I am starting to wonder if the fact that my upper and inner thighs were my main injection point for the entire length of treatment has done something to my nerves. My lower back into my upper legs are what hurt the most though my entire back, arms, and the rest of my legs will often hurt the later it gets at night.

I find that walking or standing hurts less than sitting or laying down. It's also odd to me that while the body and/or muscle aches (whatever they truly are) continue to get worse post-treatment. The constant up and down of post-treatment side effects is really fucking annoying. Ultimately everything but the body aches are improving but even then the fatigue comes and goes and the nausea was hit or miss for awhile but I'm trying to stay positive that those will continue to decline. The body aches are still a mystery why are they getting worse and why is nothing helping? How can I be expected to go back to work, even part time, when I hurt like this? I thought I was ready and even told my doctor I think I could work 20-30 hours given my fatigue improving but after the last 24 hours I really question my ability to do anything.

Tomorrow I'm going to call the doctor and get another appointment. Something must be done about this. The only thing that seems to help are hot baths and that's only while I'm in the tub. If I could live in a hot bubble bath for the rest of my life I'd be just fine. Unfortunately that's not very realistic and just seems kind of weird. Enough from me. Goodnight.

Still unpredictable

I really started to think I had the new routine of post-treatment side effects under control. Ha, I know better than that! Since I last updated the fatigue has been better, I still feel the need to crash out in the middle of the day about once or twice a week but not EVERY SINGLE DAY so I was content with that. As long as I stayed on a regular dose of ibuprofen I seemed to be able to tolerate the pain of the muscle and body aches fairly well too.

This week has felt very different. I'm far more tired than I have been lately. Last night I slept over eight hours (that's pretty unheard of for me right now) and still took a three hour nap today. Since I woke up the first time I've showered had plenty of coffee and water, had food, and still... just TIRED! I have a group of girls I like to meet up with on Tuesdays and I haven't gone the last two weeks so I'm really excited to go tonight and yet all I *really* want to do is sleep.

So many people have tried to offer suggestions on ways to try to help me and I just don't think they can fully comprehend just how hard dealing with chronic fatigue is. Even all my doctors, from my specialist to my chiropractor have told me there is just no way for people to understand what I'm going through unless they've dealt with it first hand or treat patients regularly for it (like they do). It's not like I'm not listening either, if something sounds doable I will give it a shot, but really there is no magic way to rid myself of these side effects. I guess I just need to let them run their course and hope that day comes sooner than later!