It's been 344 days, thank god it's finally OVER!

From the first interferon shot to the final ribavirin pills I took tonight, treatment has lasted a total of 344 days!! A medical treatment full of harsh drugs, harsh side effects, and a lot of physical and emotional pain. That's 48 shots and 1,720 pills. Not to mention the daily anti-depressents, heartburn medication, endless amounts of ibuprofen or aleve and any other supplements such as multivitamins, iron pills, etc. The most trying eleven months of my entire life, hands down. I can't believe it's over!! I blood work done and see my specialist on Monday at 3pm. Assuming he tells me my results still look good I won't see him again for approximately 6 months. what a life changing event that is taking place. When I wake up in the morning I no longer have to think about treatment. I have to remember to ask the doctor how quickly he thinks the fatigue will start to subside if there is one side effect that has kicked my ass more than any that would be it. I would love to get on a regular sleeping schedule, go to the gym regularly and be able to work again! I look forward to returning to some form of normal life within the next couple of weeks to a month. On that note I can barely keep my eyes open and my body is sore and tired so I'm headed to bed... more after the doctor's visit on Monday!

body aches, body aches...

I can't help but wonder if this is the universes way of fucking with me? I have five days to go. FIVE DAYS! And tonight the body aches and headache have set in full force just like they used to. It happens every Sunday to some extent and maybe after 11 months I'm just used to it, but about an hour ago or so I started hurting and it's taking over my whole body. It's exactly the "flu like symptoms" they warn you about when discussing treatment. It feels ridiculous to even post about this seeing how treatment is SO close to being over but for the sake of having a blog and doing what I do, I felt the need to share. Besides, I fucking hurt and no matter what friends or family I complain to, not a single one of them can make me feel any better physically so I'll just vent away here! Time to take a bath and listen to some music, maybe curl up on the couch and just pass out. Somehow sleeping on my couch seems like a better idea than my bed at the moment, even with the absence of a television in my living room. Thank god this is almost over!

My Final Shot

Around 11:30pm 1/13/20012 I took what will hopefully be my last interferon shot, EVER! It's funny to me how easy it is to give myself shots now however eleven months ago I was more scared of giving myself a shot than the side effects. Of course I can see the underlying fear of not knowing what was going to happen probably played into that more than I realized at the time, but still.

Now the fear becomes going back into the real world. On the last day of treatment (Jan 20th) I will have been out of work exactly seven months. That is a trip! I feel so incapable of working it's bizarre! I'm doing my best to stay positive and remember that as my energy returns reentering the working world will not feel as difficult as I'm making it in my head. Today if I were to try to work a full eight hours I would die, been there, done that, we know this. Hopefully in a few weeks that will no longer be the case. I'm also excited to get back to the gym and hopefully have an appetite again which will help me eat more regularly. I have a new lease on life and I intend to use it to the fullest!

I still intend to update this blog at least for a little while to document how quickly side effects leave, or if they stick around, etc... While I won't have a truly clean bill of health for six more months I cannot express how excited I am to have the chapter of treatment over with. I don't take any of this for granted, I do know how blessed I am to have the chance to get well, but goddamn after the stress of nausea, fatigue, and muscle aches on top of all the insurance/work bullshit I've had to deal with over the last year I am very happy to move on to the next adventure!

Only one more to go!!!

About a half hour ago I took my second to last shot. I can't even believe it. Crazy! The first month gave me so much anxiety. I hate needles, I still do, but back then I would work myself into such a panic and have a complete melt down before I even gave myself the shot. It was hell!! I don't know that it was the needles so much as knowing the side effects were coming. They were so intense especially at first. Now it seems so common place that I'm not even sure what I'll do with myself when I start feeling better. I'm so excited but almost don't believe it'll happen. It's a weird emotional and psychological place to be in I'll tell you that much!

I experienced a bit of nausea today. It was pretty bad however it didn't last but a couple of hours so that was good. When it comes to this stuff I have learned to turn it into a positive as quickly as possible! I'm still super exhausted. I walked a good two miles today, maybe slightly more to run some errands. I intended to catch the bus but I kept missing it by mere seconds and it was so wet and cold out I figured I'd fare better walking than sitting at a bus stop. Not so sure about that now. I came home and slept for two hours just to wake up feeling sick. I chatted with a few friends online, contemplated cleaning my house but just zoned out instead before taking my shot. Now it's time to call it a night (yet again) and hopefully have enough motivation to get some house work done in the morning. Having zero energy sucks!! Thank god this won't last too much longer!!

two and a half weeks to go!

I can't believe treatment will be over on Jan 20th!! In my head it seems like it's never going to get here but in reality it'll be here in a blink of an eye. Plus I only have two more shots to take!! I keep fantasizing that the fatigue will magically disappear the second treatment is over but even the long term disability rep told me that's not likely to happen. As scared as I am to return to the real world I'm really excited to get on with my life! Having this much needed time off work to take care of myself mentally, physically, and in turn spiritually, has been the best thing that could have ever happened to me! It has been really hard and I've had to work through a lot of things but I'm almost done and that still amazes me!! Not much else to report at this point, I'm just extremely tired (as always) and counting the days until I am done!

Only 3 shots to go!

When I think of it this way it's amazing how quickly it will be over. Jan 13th is my last shot and Jan 20th is the last time I have to take these damn pills. I'M SO EXCITED!!

The nausea has subsided yet again but the fatigue is back almost worse than ever. For at least two days a week I'm doing nothing but sleeping and still have little to no energy to do anything the rest of the days. It's a chore to walk more than a mile and staying up for a solid 12 hours is like breaking some kind of record. It has been done lately because of the holidays and whatnot but again I turn around and end up sleeping for two days to make up for it.

With less than a month to go I'm really accepting more than ever how my life will have to be until the 20th or possible a few weeks after that. If I just need to sleep and take it easy, I will do that. I'm sure that sounds silly to a lot of people. Who wouldn't want a completely valid reason to sleep all day? But for me it's hard because I've always been so active with work and/or a social life that this still, even six months later, feels so different.

I am also excited to see where 2012 takes me. I am enrolled in classes at PCC and looking to take charge of my life like never before. I feel in a lot of ways I have been given a true second chance at life and I'm not willing to waste it wishing and hoping. Accomplishing your dreams takes ACTION and I've proven to myself I'm able to do that so why stop now?

Friday is my 31st birthday. I will be going to see Storm Large with one of my best friends and then coming home and taking my shot. Such a weird way to think of my birthday but again I couldn't be happier that my birthday is yet another reminder of how close I am to being done with treatment!

I hope everybody reading this is having a wonderful holiday season and has a great New Year!

Oh, right... nausea.

So here I just said about ten days ago that the nausea had been gone for awhile. It stayed away until about three days ago when I started feeling much worse and it has more or less stayed for now. Watching what I eat, drinking ginger tea and taking all the required supplements in the world don't seem to be making a damn bit of difference right now either. The positive side? At least I'm not struggling with this at work! I remember how horrible the nausea was during the four months I was still working and I seriously wanted to die. I was so unable to focus, afraid to eat or even talk at times. Since being on leave I've fully learned how to truly take it easy and relax which has made this whole process so much better! Definitely something I couldn't have accomplished had I stayed working!

I've also been able to nap a lot easier these days so I don't feel as sleep deprived as I have in the past. It still comes in waves and most nights I'm not sleeping very well at all actually, but at least my naps (about 3 hours on average) are pretty solid and help keep those zombie-like states I was so often in to a minimum!

Right now it is almost midnight, my stomach is in knots, and my body is tired and sore. My mind is pretty damn awake and I have no true desire to attempt sleep though my eyes feel a little heavy. So yeah, there are still days (like today) that it sucks to be alive but I know the end result is totally worth it! Just a little over a month to go!!