note to self:

As my day has progressed I've felt worse both physically and emotionally. The physical part (mainly nausea) is normal but the headache is pretty intense, add to that the fact that my mind won't stop telling me that treatment is just unbearable, is in itself, unbearable! Ugh. I realized shortly thereafter that I forgot to take my meds this morning and took them in the afternoon. I also didn't divide all of my pills up by day like I had planned to do so I think I forgot to take my anti-depressant. It's weird to think that only one day of not taking it might be the culprit. Well I guess that's about it, just needed to make a note of this for myself and for anybody out there who might end up going through the same thing. Time to take my shot and go to bed. I hope to wake up, TAKE ALL OF MY MEDS ASAP, and have a better night tomorrow, it is after all, a new day!

Getting Through It!

I suppose it's fair to say that things are going well. I've felt a little more sick last week but the fatigue wasn't quite as bad. I went to Seattle this weekend for a high school friend's memorial and was so tired afterward I slept Monday away and didn't leave bed much today until I met up with some friends for a few hours. Now I'm home and actually rather awake though I have no question that if I lay down I will likely fall asleep easily. While I seem to either be nauseous or fatigued day by day at least lately it hasn't been both at the same time. I've had many days like that and I'm glad they are in the past. This thing isn't over just yet though so who knows. I'm just glad I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel!

I received all of my retro pay from work and will be getting paid through Nov 30th. Short Term Disability is reviewing my last doctor notes to see if I qualify for an extension after that. My old phone was freaking out and not holding a charge so I bought myself a new one but otherwise I'm just socking the money away as I have a feeling most of it will be going right back to work for PTO I used but didn't accrue and other various expenses I haven't thought of yet. I have a lead on a potential new job since I likely won't have one to return to in January. Nothing set in stone whatsoever but good to have on the backburner, ya know? I also plan to contact a civil liberties and/or employment lawyer soon to find out what my rights are and if anything can be done. While what my work has done to me appears to be perfectly legal it isn't ethical at all. I don't know if that gives me anything to stand on but I think it's worth bringing to someone's attention as it really needs to change. Enough about work stuff though, that shit just stresses me out!!

At least at this stage in my life I know without a shadow of a doubt that no matter what happens I will be taken care of. It's been proven time and time again and I know full well I'm doing the right thing for myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I'm so glad treatment is working and that I only have two months to go!!! :)

Another Insurance Update...this time it's good news!

I finally heard back from Short Term Disability! Good lord it has felt like a year has passed just dealing with this issue alone, but I suppose it's only been a month and a half or so, anyway...

The appeal was approved!!! They have reinstated my claim and have agreed to pay me until November 30th and I should hear back from them either Monday or Tuesday about what my options are for after Nov. I can't begin to tell you how happy I am right now! Granted I won't fully believe it until the money hits my checking account, but still. Such a relief! As far as I'm concerned they should be paying me through January but after all the shit they've put me through this much is better than nothing which is what I was starting to expect. Guess it goes to show that staying patient and continuing to take action when I can is finally paying off!!

On a quick medication/side effect note: Tonight's shot was one of the worst I've had to deal with! When the shot was only half way expensed I felt a wave of nausea sweep over me and by the time I was done thought I might pass out. I still don't feel well but the major extreme reaction has subsided. Time to take my pills and call it a night! Up until right now I've actually felt pretty good this week. Let's hope I go back to that come morning, I was starting to get used to it!

Things are lookin' good!

All of my blood tests are showing good signs of being cured!! I told my specialist I feel more fatigued and more sick than I did in the beginning. He explained that while that isn't the normal response it is in no way unheard of and to just keep riding it out. I will take my last shot on Jan 13th and my last pills on Jan 20th!! I'll see him on Jan 23rd and then not again for six months when we get the final word if I'm in the clear! He told me the way things are going right now I should expect good results and that I've handled all of this with a great amount of grace. That was one of the nicest things I've heard. I don't always feel like I have but from a doctor who sees patients for this all the time, I tend to believe him.

Work and insurance has been a pain in my ass. First they told me they would do my best to keep MY job for me. Then later on I get told that if they can't keep MY job I will at least have A job when I return. Now the final word is that they have not held my job and that I will have 90 days to reapply within the company upon returning from medical leave. I'm slightly more than pissed. Not only is my Short Term Disability still under review but after eight years with a company you would think they would have tried harder for me. I've given them the majority of my adult life and always done right by them and this is how I get repaid?! Guess that's what happens when you work for a large corporation. I still would have thought my dedication to them would have meant something, apparently I was wrong.

Thankfully I realize the stress this could cause is not worth threatening my health so while I'm still fighting them I'm not letting it consume me. I'm off of work to help eliminate stress and all of this only adds to it. I will let the chips fall where they may and trust that no matter what I will be taken care of!

I'm still here

I want to update more just for some reason I haven't been able to remember to do so, or stay awake long enough to do so, or any amount of random combinations. I took my shot about an hour ago and right now I can't even see straight. I think it's time for bed. Hoping to update more about work and medical here soon. The physical/emotional side of things are all over the place but again, more on that later. Thanks again for all of the love and support from those who read this blog. It means a lot to me. I've already managed to help people and didn't even know it. I owe it to those people to keep up on this and I'm sorry I haven't done the best job of that.

Has it been nearly a month, really?

I honestly thought I updated no more than a week and a half ago. oops! Let's see, to briefly catch you up to date...

My back went out on me a few weeks ago. I finally made it to a naturopath because of this (for an adjustment) and now am going back to her next Friday to discuss some food and other alternative options to help with the side effects of treatment. Also between the massages and adjustment I had my back is feeling almost completely better!

This last week my body has been fighting off getting sick. It sort of reminds me of when I first started treatment except that I'm also coughing which makes me think it's actually a cold not side effects that's causing it. My stomach hurts, my body goes from hot to cold, and is constantly achy and tired. My mind has been so foggy I can't seem to make sense of most things right now. Yesterday I spent almost the entire day sleeping and feel like I could do that again today but I have things to do around the house and some errands to run so I'm hoping that will not be my fate. I have surely let the house slide over this last week and am in dire need of doing laundry and cleaning my kitchen. Unfortunately I simply can't be bothered. Thank god for friends as a few people have offered to come over and help. My house isn't THAT bad but it's still below my living standards. I do believe today I will get everything accomplished I need to, and hopefully still get in a nap!

and so it goes...

First things first: Short Term Disability is still under review and could take 45 days, possibly longer. Medical Leave was denied and has to be looked at yet again. I'm so close to giving up on fighting with leave management, but I won't.

As for me I'm much less stressed out these days but I think it's causing me to crash. I finally am living alone in a house that I love in a neighborhood I adore. There was a lot of change and drama leading up to getting to this chapter in my life and now that I've finally had a chance to relax I feel like my body is shutting down. My aches and pains over the last week have been far worse than they've been in some time and I'm easily sleeping 12+ hours or napping multiple times a day unless I force myself to stay awake. Today for example I want nothing more than to go back to sleep but at the same time want to do some cleaning around the house and am afraid if I take a nap I might not wake up until tonight. Sigh. As I type this my arms and shoulders are becoming more and more sore. My hands aren't hurting as bad as I've mentioned previously so that's good, it tends to come and go though so in two days that could be a completely different story.

All in all I'm hanging in fairly well. I only have until the second week of January to keep doing this thing and given how quickly September came and went (well it'll be over tonight anyway) I have no doubt that the next three or so months will cruise right by as well. Thank god for that!!