I've been out on leave for a month now. Wow, it honestly feels weird to say that. Anyway... my short term disability is only approved through Aug 4th at which time they will have to review doctors notes from July 13th (they're technically already doing this now) and Aug 3rd (my follow up appt with my specialist) to determine how much longer I should be granted benefits. I know it's all part of the process but my god I feel like I'm constantly dealing with these guys and it STRESSES ME OUT!! Feeling stressed and overwhelmed were huge reasons for me not working in the first place!!
The fatigue I'm experiencing seems to be changing faces a little bit. Besides being fairly tired all of the time, my sleep is also extremely inconsistent. I can't seem to sleep through the night to save my life and while I know I could take something I'm honestly freaked out by sleeping medication. As if I will take them and never wake up or something. Might sound silly, but that's where my brain takes me. sigh.
My arms and hands have been hurting extremely bad for approximately two weeks now. I don't know if I'm sleeping wrong or what but almost daily I wake up to my hands hurting so much so that it hurts to grab my toothbrush or a glass of water. I haven't mentioned that to my doctors yet yet, mostly because I assumed it was temporary but I think I'll make a point of mentioning it on Aug 3rd because sitting at my desk for 8+ hours a day in this sort of pain would not be good. Ibuprofen and the like haven't helped much either.
The doctor gave me pills for my skin, just a weeks worth that are supposed to help fight off different skin problems but it causes extreme nausea. I just took the last round of pills this morning and am so glad to be done with them! The pills have helped some. I think it was supposed to be more of an internal helper however I was noticing my skin just wasn't healing well and it seems to be doing slightly better. It'll be nice as well to see where my nausea level actually is after this stuff is out of my system and hopefully it's a ton more bearable than my current state. Food or no food, I have more or less felt like puking all week. I'll be so glad when that feeling is gone!
This last weekend I missed out on a movie premiere and concert that I had every intention of going to. Those who know me will fully understand just what that means. Lorrie no feel good :( More updates to come soon, hopefully happier, shinier updates.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
my skin hates me
Behind my ears, on my forehead, eyelids, scalp, back, arms and shins....dry patches. All over the place. Ugh. I feel so gross right now. The steroid cream the doctor gave me is seeming less and less effective. I see her in a week and will ask but until then I better do a damn good job of following her instructions so I can honestly say if it's working or not. It surely doesn't seem to be though.Okay, done venting. Everything else is going pretty good, still tired a lot but that's nothing new.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Good News
I found out last week that my short term disability is approved until July 24th. Ultimately this is good news but a little irritating that I have to be evaluated again so soon. I understand it though, just a bit annoying. This last week was much less active, I slept a lot more and my body was in a lot more discomfort. I went to the gym once and to a yoga class my friend teaches. Apparently those things combined was more than my limit. They've told me from the beginning that exercise will help with fatigue but this isn't proving to be true, at least not yet.
My sleep is pretty messed up right now. I had a fairly active day on Saturday and proceeded to sleep all day Sunday. I was up at 9am Monday and didn't fall asleep until around midnight and yet I'm wide awake less than six hours later. sigh. Good thing I am off work huh? My nausea was also pretty bad yesterday, thankfully that only seems to hit about once a week at most these days but the fatigue is still unmanageable. Speaking of, think I will attempt sleep again or at least just go stare at my ceiling for a bit.
My sleep is pretty messed up right now. I had a fairly active day on Saturday and proceeded to sleep all day Sunday. I was up at 9am Monday and didn't fall asleep until around midnight and yet I'm wide awake less than six hours later. sigh. Good thing I am off work huh? My nausea was also pretty bad yesterday, thankfully that only seems to hit about once a week at most these days but the fatigue is still unmanageable. Speaking of, think I will attempt sleep again or at least just go stare at my ceiling for a bit.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Just what I needed
This last week has felt extremely long. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it has thrown me for a bit of a loop. Medical leave is definitely turning out to be exactly what I needed. While there are still some major stresses, *i.e. not knowing if my short term disability will even be approved and therefore not knowing when I'm getting paid next* just having this time to put myself first is a huge relief.
In the last week I have joined the gym, worked out (either yoga, weights or swimming) three times and have done a lot of walking downtown and in my neighborhood. I've bought a lot of healthier food for the house and am trying to eat at home more. I've also done as much sleeping as I've felt needed but for some reason the last two days or so I can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. I still only seem to have five to six hours in me before I just need to chill out and do as little as possible. However not having the stress and mental fatigue from my job have helped improve my mood immensely!! I still get tired and my body still hurts. I still get a little confused and emotional but not nearly like I did when I was working and trying to manage so many things at once. Even when issues do come up there is no pressure to make it go away, I can just accept what is happening and take appropriate action instead of fight with how I feel and what action to take based on "business need".
I'm also starting to really tap into the artistic side of myself and really want to start making things. I don't know yet what those things might be, but what the hell. I have time on my hands and I'm enjoying myself.
I really rather not think about it but for the sake of this blog I will add that my doctor also informed me that a lot of their notes they are submitting to my insurance states I should try to work part time at least on a trial basis. This news is freaking me out a tad as my job literally cannot be done in three hours a day. It's just not possible. I would be a hindrance to my company and those around me and likely more stressed out than I was before I left. This leads me to believe my claim for short term disability will be declined or they will force me to work at my job a few hours a day which as just mentioned is far more trouble than it's worth for all involved. Soooo if you're reading this please put it out to the universe, pray, etc that everything works out. I'm doing my best to simply trust that everything will happen exactly as it's supposed to and that keeps me calm most of the time. It would be super rad to know when I'm getting paid next though!
Okay, now it's time to attempt sleep again. Thanks for reading!
In the last week I have joined the gym, worked out (either yoga, weights or swimming) three times and have done a lot of walking downtown and in my neighborhood. I've bought a lot of healthier food for the house and am trying to eat at home more. I've also done as much sleeping as I've felt needed but for some reason the last two days or so I can't seem to sleep for more than a few hours at a time. I still only seem to have five to six hours in me before I just need to chill out and do as little as possible. However not having the stress and mental fatigue from my job have helped improve my mood immensely!! I still get tired and my body still hurts. I still get a little confused and emotional but not nearly like I did when I was working and trying to manage so many things at once. Even when issues do come up there is no pressure to make it go away, I can just accept what is happening and take appropriate action instead of fight with how I feel and what action to take based on "business need".
I'm also starting to really tap into the artistic side of myself and really want to start making things. I don't know yet what those things might be, but what the hell. I have time on my hands and I'm enjoying myself.
I really rather not think about it but for the sake of this blog I will add that my doctor also informed me that a lot of their notes they are submitting to my insurance states I should try to work part time at least on a trial basis. This news is freaking me out a tad as my job literally cannot be done in three hours a day. It's just not possible. I would be a hindrance to my company and those around me and likely more stressed out than I was before I left. This leads me to believe my claim for short term disability will be declined or they will force me to work at my job a few hours a day which as just mentioned is far more trouble than it's worth for all involved. Soooo if you're reading this please put it out to the universe, pray, etc that everything works out. I'm doing my best to simply trust that everything will happen exactly as it's supposed to and that keeps me calm most of the time. It would be super rad to know when I'm getting paid next though!
Okay, now it's time to attempt sleep again. Thanks for reading!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Self Care
How did I skip a week? Well, anyway...
After talking to my doctor the decision was made to take me out of work for approx. 6 months. My treatment will last slightly longer than that so we will see what ends up being best but I hope I will feel tons better by then and can transition back to work.
This has been my first week on leave from work. The last two days I've slept a lot but also ended up holding odd hours (I hold odd hours anyway but for some reason this surprises me, go figure). This morning I woke up ridiculously early and I'm not so happy about it. I'm going to attempt sleep again when I'm done with this update.
It's very weird to not go to work however it's a huge weight lifted from me and will give me a chance to level out and make positive changes. So far I'm taking time to just adjust to my needs. If I need sleep, food, light exercise, etc, I'm doing it. I really need to focus on eating better and plan to start forming that routine in the next week or two.
Speaking of needs, I'm headed back to bed. Have a great day!
After talking to my doctor the decision was made to take me out of work for approx. 6 months. My treatment will last slightly longer than that so we will see what ends up being best but I hope I will feel tons better by then and can transition back to work.
This has been my first week on leave from work. The last two days I've slept a lot but also ended up holding odd hours (I hold odd hours anyway but for some reason this surprises me, go figure). This morning I woke up ridiculously early and I'm not so happy about it. I'm going to attempt sleep again when I'm done with this update.
It's very weird to not go to work however it's a huge weight lifted from me and will give me a chance to level out and make positive changes. So far I'm taking time to just adjust to my needs. If I need sleep, food, light exercise, etc, I'm doing it. I really need to focus on eating better and plan to start forming that routine in the next week or two.
Speaking of needs, I'm headed back to bed. Have a great day!
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
So tired...
I'm getting pretty frustrated with the fatigue. Not only am I just tired all of the time but it's causing confusion and irritability. I feel on edge a lot, and know I'm not doing much of anything to the best of my ability right now. I see my doctor in the morning I'll talk to her about it and see what she suggests. I don't know if it will be medically warranted but I really think time off work would do me some good. When I have a very simple schedule I seem to be far less overwhelmed and much happier. I suppose that would be true for anybody but even the smallest of things that wouldn't normally affect people are starting to become crazy makers.
You know what would be great? If I could start feeling better mentally (hey, I'd take physically too) and could turn this blog into a slightly happier read. It bums me out that I feel like I'm just constantly bitching but like I've also said multiple times, my intention of this blog is to be as honest as possible so hopefully when someone else finds out they have Hep C and have all sorts of questions about what treatment might be like this will be there for them. Resources are low, as is awareness, I still need to find a greater way to increase that than by this blog alone. I do thank all of those who read this though and encourage you to help with awareness and get tested!
You know what would be great? If I could start feeling better mentally (hey, I'd take physically too) and could turn this blog into a slightly happier read. It bums me out that I feel like I'm just constantly bitching but like I've also said multiple times, my intention of this blog is to be as honest as possible so hopefully when someone else finds out they have Hep C and have all sorts of questions about what treatment might be like this will be there for them. Resources are low, as is awareness, I still need to find a greater way to increase that than by this blog alone. I do thank all of those who read this though and encourage you to help with awareness and get tested!
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A little out of sorts
The last couple weeks have been very trying. I feel manic depressive but mostly just depressed. Even though I can say I know better I'm somehow plagued with thoughts that I will always feel tired and therefore worthless and that is just the beginning.
On the good days I'm totally content until I'm alone in silence. Sometimes even then I'm able to turn it over to the universe and be truly grateful for how well treatment is going, how awesome my friends and family have been through all of this, and so on. Lately however I'm crying myself to sleep regardless of how shitty or absolutely wonderful the day has been. I don't like admitting that but I feel I owe it to myself and anyone reading this to be as honest as possible.
Since I obviously don't want to feel this way I'm trying to find actions I can take surrounding all of this. I have been searching for therapists with no luck for awhile now. Yesterday one finally called me back and she's only a few blocks away from my house! I have an appt before work on Thursday, knowing this helps me relax ever so slightly.
I really wonder if I might need to work less. Most days I'm so easily overwhelmed it kinda freaks me out. Yesterday I went to a 2 hour meditation meeting and managed to sleep a little over 10 hours last night. I went to bed feeling extremely overwhelmed even though the meeting was awesome and am pretty on edge this morning. I'm trying to convince myself to change my perspective and that I can start over at any time. Let's hope it works!
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